FAQs

LIFE LETTERS
Frequently Asked Questions

01

What is a life letter?

Have you ever worried that someone you care about might consider suicide? You're not alone. We're facing an epidemic of suicide in this country. Chances are, someone in your life -- whether it's a teen, family member, friend, neighbor, or colleague -- is thinking about or has thought about suicide. What if we could offer hope and encouragement in moments of darkness and despair? That's what a life letter is! 

A life letter is a heartfelt message of encouragement you write to someone you care about. When you give the letter to the person, you explain that we all go through difficult times in life, and if they're ever in a place that's so hard and painful that they're thinking about suicide, you want them to open the letter.

This does two things: it gives the person a resource they can access when the need it most, and it gives them an easy way to communicate when they're in crisis. Teens -- and adults -- often have difficulty articulating that they're thinking about suicide. But they can say, "I opened your letter." And you'll know what that means!

For guidance on how to craft your message, and what to say, see Write a Life Letter.

02

How & when do I introduce it?

As parents, there are certain pre-planned 'talks' we have with our kids. The sex talk... The drugs & alcohol talk... In reality, these talks involve many conversations over a period of years.

The suicide talk is a similar. We need to let kids know that there are times in life when things are especially difficult. This doesn't mean they'll feel suicidal at some point, but you do want to introduce the idea that IF THEY DO have that thought, they need to come to you.

I recommend that you have the initial conversation in middle school, and earlier if you see signs that your child is struggling with depression or feels ostracized due to bullying or other factors. If you're not sure whether it's too early to bring up the subject, talk with your child's doctor about it.  

And, remember, life letters aren't only for teens! 

03

What should I do if they say "I opened your letter"?
If you gave someone a life letter, and you introduced it as something they should open if they ever feel like hurting themselves, then you have to take "I opened your letter" as a cry for help. This is a good thing! It might feel scary, but knowing that the person needs help means you can get help together. 

DO:
  • Call 9-1-1 if you believe the person, or anyone else involved, is in immediate danger.
  • Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 together. 
  • If the person is currently under the care of a medical professional or therapist, contact him or her for guidance on what steps to take next.
  • If the person is not under the care of a medical professional or therapist, go to the emergency room together and ask for a suicide assessment. A trained mental health crisis professional will perform an evaluation to determine the level of danger and guide you on next steps.
DON'T:
  • Do not put yourself in the position of guessing how much danger the person is in.
  • Do not leave the person alone.

04

What if they read it out of curiosity?

Some kids will take a peek at your letter in a moment when they're not feeling suicidal, just to see what it says. If this happens, they're likely to set it aside again and not mention that they opened it. 

If they tell you they opened it, but they say, "I was just curious! I really wasn't thinking of hurting myself," pay extra close attention to other signals they may be giving you. It could be that they're not quite ready to tell you that they're struggling, or it could be that they were genuinely curious. Take the opportunity to talk about suicide. Ask what they thought about your letter, and be genuinely curious about what prompted them to open it.

And if you're not sure, follow your gut instincts. Take a conservative approach and reach out to your child's doctor or therapist if you have any concerns. 
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